jhocyliciuos

• Stop jumping to conclusions. There are two common ways this habit increases people’s difficulties. First, they assume that they know what is going to happen, so they stop paying attention and act on their assumption instead. Human beings are lousy fortune-tellers. Most of what they assume is wrong. That makes the action wrong too. The second aspect of this habit is playing the mind-reader and assuming you know why people do what they do or what they’re thinking. Wrong again, big time. More relationships are destroyed by this particular kind of stupidity than by any other.
• Don’t dramatize. Lots of people inflate small setbacks into life-threatening catastrophes and react accordingly. This habit makes mountains out of molehills and gives people anxieties that either don’t exist or are so insignificant they aren’t worth worrying about anyway. Why do they do it? Who knows? Maybe to make themselves feel and seem more important. Whatever the reason, it’s silly as well as destructive.
• Don’t invent rules. A huge proportion of those “oughts” and “shoulds” that you carry around are most likely needless. All that they do for you is make you feel nervous or guilty. What’s the point? When you use these imaginary rules on yourself, you clog your mind with petty restrictions and childish orders. And when you try to impose them on others, you make yourself into a bully, a boring nag, or a self-righteous bigot.
• Avoid stereotyping or labeling people or situations. The words you use can trip you up. Negative and critical language produces the same flavor of thinking. Forcing things into pre-set categories hides their real meaning and limits your thinking to no purpose. See what’s there. Don’t label. You’ll be surprised at what you find.
• Quit being a perfectionist. Life isn’t all or nothing, black or white. Many times, good enough means exactly what it says. Search for the perfect job and you’ll likely never find it. Meanwhile, all the others will look worse than they are. Try for the perfect relationship and you’ll probably spend your life alone. Perfectionism is a mental sickness that will destroy all your pleasure and send you in search of what can never be attained.
• Don’t over-generalize. One or two setbacks are not a sign of permanent failure. The odd triumph doesn’t turn you into a genius. A single event—good or bad—or even two or three don’t always point to a lasting trend. Usually things are just what they are, nothing more.
• Don’t take things so personally. Most people, even your friends and colleagues, aren’t talking about you, thinking about you, or concerned with you at all for 99% of the time. The majority of folk in your organization or neighborhood have probably never heard of you and don’t especially want to. The ups and downs of life, the warmth and coldness of others, aren’t personal at all. Pretending that they are will only make you more miserable than is needed.
• Don’t assume your emotions are trustworthy. How you feel isn’t always a good indicator of how things are. Just because you feel it, that doesn’t make it true. Sometimes that emotion comes from nothing more profound than being tired, hungry, annoyed, or about to get a head-cold. The future won’t change because you feel bad—nor because you feel great. Feelings may be true, but they aren’t the truth.
• Don’t let life get you down. Keep practicing being optimistic. If you expect bad things in your life and work, you’ll always find them. A negative mind-set is like looking at the world through distorting, grimy lenses. You spot every blemish and overlook or discount everything else. It’s amazing what isn’t there until you start to look for it. Of course, if you decide to look for signs of positive things, you’ll find those too.
• Don’t hang on to the past. This is my most important suggestion of all: let go and move on. Most of the anger, frustration, misery, and despair in this world come from people clinging to past hurts and problems. The more you turn them over in your mind, the worse you’ll feel and the bigger they’ll look. Don’t try to fight misery. Let go and move on. Do that and you’ve removed just about all its power to hurt you.
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• source: www.google.com

Often, we are so stuck in our old beliefs and patterns that we aren't able to see the changes we need to make. Even when we feel frustrated about our problems, we may not recognize what we need to learn to change things. That is why we need to use the mirror of life.

Everything in our lives reflects where we are in the process of developing integration and balance. We can use everything that happens externally as a mirror to help us see the areas within us that need healing and development. Whenever we have a problem, especially a recurring or chronic problem, it is always an arrow pointing directly to some aspect of our psyche where we need more awareness.

If we accept that life is always trying to teach us exactly what we need to learn, we can view everything that happens to us as a gift. Even experiences that are uncomfortable or painful contain within them an important key to our healing, wholeness, and prosperity.

We may have difficulty understanding what the mirror of life is trying to show us, but if we sincerely ask for the learning and the gift in every experience, it will be revealed to us one way or another.

One of the clearest reflections we have to work with is the one provided by our relationships. Everyone we attract into our life is a mirror for us in certain ways. All of our relationships -- our families, children, friends, co-workers, neighbors, pets, as well as our romantic partners -- reflect certain parts of us. How we feel with someone is usually an indication of how we feel about the parts of us that they mirror.

We all attract certain people into our life who have developed qualities opposite to the ones we are most identified with. In other words, they mirror our disowned selves, and we mirror theirs. These are often the most highly emotionally charged relationships. We either love them, hate them, or both! We feel very attracted to them, and/or very uncomfortable, judgmental, annoyed, or frustrated with them. The stronger the feelings, the more important a mirror they are for us. We have drawn them into our reality to show us something about what we need to develop in ourselves. The fact that we have such strong feelings (one way or another) toward them means that they are showing us a part of ourselves we need to acknowledge, accept, and integrate.

This does not mean we have to be with them or hold onto a harmful or inappropriate relationship. It just means that as long as they are in our lives, or even in our thoughts and feelings, we can use the relationship as a learning experience. It also does not mean we are supposed to become like them. They may carry an energy we need more of, but they may be too far to the opposite extreme, or they may express that energy in a distorted way.

Still, we can look for the positive essence in the opposite qualities they carry. For example, if you have been taught never to express any anger, you will probably at some point find yourself in relationship with a person who expresses their anger frequently and vehemently. Life is giving you a strong message that it's time for you to learn to acknowledge your own anger. It is not saying you have to become like this person and go around dumping your anger everywhere. Instead, you need to find the appropriate balance, learning how to assert yourself and stand up for yourself.

If you have strongly developed being energy but have difficulty taking action, you may find that someone important in your life is a compulsive doer who can't relax. Naturally, you don't want to go to that extreme, but this person is your teacher, to show you the energy of action that you need to develop. Of course, you are a teacher for them, as well, but it usually doesn't work very well to try to show the other person what they need to learn from you -- although we all succumb to this temptation. It works much better to concentrate on what we need to learn in the situation. Once we use the mirror to understand what we need, and actually do the work to develop a disowned self, the whole pattern of the relationship will shift.

If we are strongly identified with power, we will attract vulnerable, needy people. This mirror is reflecting our need to recognize and accept our own vulnerability. If and when we do that, the needy people in our lives will either become more empowered, or will move out of our lives. If we are overly vulnerable and disown power, we will find ourselves in a relationship with someone who uses power one way or another. We will feel overwhelmed, controlled, or victimized by them until we own our power, at which point the relationship will either dissolve or become more equal.

As I mentioned in the last chapter, we often seem to gravitate toward a romantic or business partner who has an opposite approach to financial management. If the difference is not too extreme, this can be a complementary and harmonious balance in which we appreciate and learn from each other's strengths. If we are highly polarized, however, it can be painful and frustrating, leading to a great deal of conflict and stress.

Still, it is a gift -- an opportunity to recognize how identified we are with one polarity and a chance to develop the opposite energy we need. Like any relationship issue, it requires that we communicate with one another, and be willing to listen and empathize with each other's feelings and perspective. If we feel stuck in our ability to communicate, it may be an appropriate time to call in a skilled third party -- a therapist, marriage counselor, or mediator -- to help us through. Personally, I find that most of us need help at certain times to get through the deep issues that are reflected in our intimate relationships.

The topic of relationships is a complex and fascinating subject, which I can only begin to touch on. Still, if you grasp the basic idea of how our relationships show us the next steps we need to take in our personal growth, you can begin to use your relationships as powerful guides on your path to true prosperity.

 source:www.google.com